So this was written about a year after the most traumatic even of my life... most people don't even know I went through it to be honest. Anyway here's a sample of this little souls writing, Be gentle, please.
I Followed You
Try to imagine a world in which no one speaks your language.
I am not talking verbal differences
I mean speaks the language of you
Tis' a very lonesome world
I know
You learn to survive by becoming two people
The outside
The inside
I am not angry at the world to be honest
I cannot hate them for the inability to understand something
But I did honestly become slightly mad with solitude
The outside thrived and I can report that I was for the most part, very happy
But in the quiet confines of my inner heart, my soul racked with lonesome grief
This is not a typical mirror story
I did not become the reflection of the outer world
My outside self is as much as me as my silent inner self is
I learned to keep my inner self silent
People simply do not care
So why bother them with something they regard as something so minuscule?
I thrived on my own, in my own way
But solitude never left me
Then I met you
I felt a familiar presence when I met you
As if we had met before, long ago
Before either could even remember
And you spoke.
You spoke my tongue.
You could understand.
True our dialects were different
But YOU, you could understand
My inner self finally met a companion
One, who was not a stranger
Our bonds grew
Hearts thrived as they beat together
I wanted every happiness for you
If the world were mine to give, I would gladly give it
If you had burdens, I would gladly bear them
I love you my friend
For you understand
And low, amidst your brightness
There was darkness
A great wall of agony and pain
I knew that you had sufferings unknown to me
But nothing like this had I ever imagined
I offered you my hand
You rebuked it
I offered my comfort
You did not want it
I offered my understanding
You scoffed at it
In time you tortured me with you silence
Angry, I rebelled
This nearly torn us asunder
One last attempt I would make
I asked you
What
You replied with fires:
My faith was worthless
You said
My life was a folly
You said
My dreams were pathetic
You said
My actions were stupid
You said
I was a blind little sheep
You said
And
You said
My existence held no purpose
Destruction followed:
My heart died
My one companion betrayed me
Rejected me
Ignored all that I had done
And had fallen into her own despair
Anguish followed
Hate Followed
My companion created her own hell
Now I was here with her
I would wish that I was the one who sent her here
So she could suffer what she put me through
Then I would wish to take her place
"Take me instead, take me oh thou Devil, take my soul,"
Hate would come and soon be eaten my compassion.
Then the compassion would be over taken by hate
The cycle continued
Hours
Days
Months
A year
To undergo such emotional stress
Can be detrimental to a soul
So, I left that hell of hers
It was not mine after all
I breathed again for the first time
The thing about hell is
You can get used to fire
But never the smoke
My life continued
But still I would think of my companion often
I did not love her like I would a man
She was not a lover
She was a companion for my lonesome, little soul
The world held minute meaning
However, I was not going back
She did not want me there
She would hurt me to keep me away
Time passed
It did not heal me
It did not even consolidate me
It tormented me
Fed my imagination and fear
Her own life could be slipping away
Could I allow that to happen?
I came to a final decision:
I was going back
I was going return to that Hell
I turned to the fires that had burned me
And entered
Many people go through Hell
Not very many people sit in it
Though, she did not want me
And yea,she even hurt me
I was going
I do not know about other people
But this I did know
While she was in this Hell
She hated people
I could not suffer my companion to have such a fate
To hate all mankind
Thus, why I went back
Why I endured her scorn
Why I waited for her to come back
I may have been hurt
But, I no longer cared
She needed me; that simple
With patience I bared grief and pain
But my strife allowed success
I do not know if my light had saved her
I do not know if it even helped
But, in the end it does not matter to me
Because my companion was back
She broke her hell
For that I am proud
Now we are as we were
Two little souls
Companions
Though part of me wishes for you to know
The suffering I endured for you
Another is just glad that you are you
Although in my heart I fear
The darkness and sadness that I still see
I ask myself
"Have I done nothing?"
And wonder
Do you know?
I followed you
